A shade different

After growing up in an environment of huge racial variety, how much, wonders Akosua Annobil-Dodoo, does skin colour dictate our choice of lover?  

It came as no surprise to hear that 72 per cent of people in the UK, according to The Observer poll, have never slept with someone of a different colour; probably because I'm one of them. 

I've only had two sexual partners, which is rare for a 27-year-old, especially one working in the media industry. Like me, both guys, including my current boyfriend, are black Londoners.

I've always had a preference for black men. Growing up in a house with my father and three older brothers probably did the trick. But while this inclination suits me, I never expect the same of other people.

Two of my brothers are in mixed-race relationships. One has a white girlfriend, who is due to give birth to a boy next month, and the other has an Indian wife, who is expecting their first child next spring. 

Whenever I meet my siblings' new partners, the first things I study are their personalities and behaviour. Protecting my brothers from bunny-boilers is far more important than skin colour.

It doesn't surprise me that many people, according to the poll, would consider having sex with someone of another shade. Desire often takes precedence over prejudice. Maybe the delay is down to the fact that they haven't met the right people yet.

In my experience, most people who advocate same-race relationships would still sleep with someone from outside of their race. 

A close friend of mine - an attractive 35-year-old single, black woman - refuses to date outside her race. She's prepared to travel as far as the Caribbean or America to find her Mr Right, and she fears that European and Asian women are, as she puts it, 'taking our men away'. Nevertheless, she also admits to fantasising about having a one-night stand with the Swedish footballer Freddie Ljungberg. 

Our environment has a huge influence over who we become attracted to. Britain is one of the world's greatest cultural melting pots. With so many different races, colours, religions and ethnicities to choose from, it's inevitable that some of us will cross cultures and break family traditions when it comes to dating, sex or marriage. 

Another friend is the daughter of a former British National Party member. When we were at school she was too petrified to date black guys. However, she slept with 'a handful' after her father left the BNP some years later. She eventually settled down with a white partner, while her younger sister had a child with an African immigrant in 2003. 

An eccentric, but lovable, black girl I've known for 20 years has slept with a diverse range of partners, including a mixed-race hip-hop head, an African-American basketball player, an Albanian builder, and an English West Ham fan, who is the father of her four-year-old daughter. In contrast, the majority of the Muslim girls I went to school with are married to Muslim men. Most of my Bangladeshi, Pakistani and Indian peers were never allowed out after school. 

Looking back, if my parents had given me the same treatment as that received by my Muslim peers, I probably wouldn't have kissed three local white boys (not on the same day of course). 

My family lived on the Isle of Dogs in the heart of east London for over 30 years, until 2001. It's a close-knit community. Most of my white classmates' parents, grandparents, uncles, aunties, cousins, brothers and sisters all went to school together. Most people from the Isle of Dogs have families that have lived in the area for generations.

It's rare for them to marry outside of their community. The majority of the people from my secondary school have had children with each other; and earlier this month, a girl from my science class announced on Facebook that she'd got engaged to James, a boy I used to sit next to in form registration. 

In the place where I grew up, blacks, Asians and whites are more likely to sleep with each other than with someone from outside the area. Crossing cultures is OK, but dating outside of the borough is a no-no. 

Generally, blacks, Asians and whites have had more than 50 years to get to know each other. As a result, attitudes towards interracial relationships have changed and having sexual encounters with someone from another race is less of a taboo.  continues here

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